What’s your financial IQ?

Barbara Kimbrough

Barbara Kimbrough

I can divide most of my divorce or separation mediation clients into two categories: the member of the couple who handles the finances, and the member of the couple who does not. In an overwhelming number of cases, my experience has been that one party is solely responsible for the finances, and the other party has little or no idea about the day-to-day or the long-term financial picture. Some people are just better with finances than others!

Read the rest of Barbara’s article to learn why and how you should become more familiar with your family’s financial picture.

The Conversation Continued… “We Have to Talk”

Ada Hasloecher

Ada Hasloecher

In Part 1 of this series, we discussed the difficulty most people have facing this particular task (saying they want to divorce). Many spouses hope that the other spouse just “gets it,” but that rarely happens. So now we explore the when, the where, the how and the what to say, for this very important conversation.

When Amy* calls me to find out about my mediation services, one of the last questions I ask during the phone intake is: “Is John* on the same page with you in terms of readiness to formalize a separation, or are you just exploring the options and gathering information on your own?” Her answer will determine my response. If John is ready, then we open up the calendar and schedule the consultation.

However, if Amy has not let John know yet that she is serious about moving forward with the separation, I ask her if she knows how to broach the subject, let alone what to say and how to say it. Chances are she is stymied at this point, so it’s natural that she would have a lot of anxiety about taking this next step.

Read the rest of Ada’s article to learn her practical suggestions on the when, the where, the how and the what of telling your spouse the marriage is over.

*Not actual persons.

His Truth, Her Truth, The Real (?) Truth

David Louis

David Louis

The end of a marital relationship is a significant life transition. When I am meeting with a couple, I describe this transition as the intersection of the “road that got you here” and the “road of the future”.

In looking at the past, the present, or even the future, two spouses often have a different picture of:
– What happened?
– Why did it happen?
– What did it mean?
– How did it make them feel?

Read the rest of David’s article to learn how couples can get to the “real” truth so they can move forward.

Beware the Well-Intentioned Advice of Friends and Family

Susan Ingram

Susan Ingram

I suppose it’s only natural that friends and family will volunteer all sorts of information as to what happened to them, or other people they know, when they got divorced. The clients I see in my divorce mediation practice often come to me with preconceived and incorrect information as to what they believe they are “entitled to” as part of their divorce settlement.

The problem with listening to the advice of family and friends is that the circumstances of each divorce are different. Furthermore, the decisions that are made – either by a couple themselves if they are mediating, or by a judge if they are litigating – depend upon the combined and unique facts of each particular case.

Learn how you can get accurate advice by reading the rest of Susan’s article.

Be Careful What You Post Because You Might Just Get a Fine!

Deborah Hope Wayne

Deborah Hope Wayne

Most of us have listened to friends complain about an unflattering picture that their significant other posted of them on a social media site. In this digital age, people not only take more and more pictures of everyday events, but people are sharing the images through Facebook, Instagram, and any other social media sites they can get their hands on. Maybe your friend’s significant other catches them at a bad time but loves the picture and posts it anyway – your friend gets mad, but then it usually blows over, right? Couples are now entering into agreements that can prevent this whole ordeal in the first place – the “Social Media Pre-Nup.”

Some couples are now opting for a different kind of pre-nup; a social media pre-nup essentially spells out what types of pictures or videos can be posted on social media and what penalties are imposed if a “restricted” type of image is posted. Couples can opt to work in social media clauses into their pre- or post-nuptial agreement, or the social media pre-nup can be a standalone agreement (as some couples opt to do). Learn more by reading the rest of Deborah’s article.

The Principle and the Practical

Rachel Alexander

Rachel Alexander

Often when people are unable to move through conflict, it is because they are adhering to what they believe is a principle of some sort. I’ve witnessed people embroiled in conflict, claiming they are committed to “the principle” so adamantly, that it appears their true principle is being embroiled in conflict! It’s worth considering what it actually means to be acting from our principles, as opposed to when are we just using the word to conceal other, possibly less highbrow motives.

Read the rest of Rachel’s article to learn how to determine if something is truly a principle or a rationalization that can lead you on a road to nowhere.

css.php