Fear and Anger – Are They Kissing Cousins?

David Louis

David Louis

For many, the ending of a marriage is filled with a range of emotions that may be as broad as the menu at a good diner. In my divorce mediation and collaborative divorce practice, I observe this variety of feelings by one or both spouses.

Most often, I see fear and anger.

A typical client consultation will include this statement, “I/We have never done this (divorced) before.” For the unwilling spouse, whose world has been rocked, a lifetime commitment to a marriage is on the verge of dissolving. For both spouses, there is often an underlying current of uncertainty.

Read the rest of David’s article to learn how reducing uncertainty can reduce fear and anger.

Integrated Team Mediation: What Is It and How Can It Benefit You?

Susan Ingram

Susan Ingram

For family and divorce mediation to be done as effectively as possible, I believe an integrated team approach must be utilized. I use the term “Integrated Team Mediation” to describe this approach. So what do I mean by this?

First let me explain some basics: At the core of the team is the couple who has come to me to facilitate their discussions, and of course myself, their mediator/attorney. Sometimes a couple’s circumstances are quite straightforward, and they already have all the information they need to make their decisions. For instance, I’ve had couples who don’t have children, have a short-term marriage and have few resources to divvy up. In those instances, typically there is no need to bring in outside professionals.

More likely, though, the couple’s circumstances are not so simple. They may need the help of other professionals to work out serious issues with children, finances, businesses and more. Read the rest of Susan’s article to learn how other experts may be called upon for their expertise in the Integrated Team Mediation approach.

 

 

When Parents Argue in Front of their Children

Don Sinkov

Don Sinkov

A recent client had an issue regarding his wife’s elderly mother. They were looking for a place for her to live.

The husband had very graciously said:

“You know, it’s fine with me. She can come live with us. I know she’s your mom, and I’m sure you have very strong feelings for her and feel very close to her. So, it’s fine if she comes to live with us.”

Surprisingly the wife said, “Absolutely not. She’ll never live with me.”

Find out why by reading the rest of Don’s article.

Child Support Standards Act: The Basics

Clare Piro

Clare Piro

I remember when the Child Support Standards Act (“CSSA”) was adopted in New York in 1989. It was a radical departure from how child support had been determined in the past, and not all matrimonial attorneys welcomed it with open arms. There were many predictions of disastrous results, but the statute soon came to be accepted.

Read the rest of Clare’s article to learn how CSSA works, how income is calculated and more.

Do We Have to Abide by the Prenup?

Jennifer Safian

Jennifer Safian

June and Michael came into mediation with three copies of their prenuptial agreement: one for each of them and one for me. As they handed me my copy, they said that they both wanted a divorce and that it was very easy because all the terms had been spelled out in their prenup.

As we proceeded to read it together, they realized that they no longer wanted most of what they had agreed to many years ago and worried that they had to abide by those terms.

Read the rest of Jennifer’s article to learn how she helped this couple deal with life circumstances that didn’t turn out as they had planned.

I Hate Daddy’s New Girlfriend

Daniel Burns

Daniel Burns

I was recently working with a couple who were having a disagreement over how long they should wait before introducing their children to dad’s new girlfriend. Mom was suggesting that he wait six months or more, while dad felt that the best approach was to “take the band aid off” by introducing them to her right away.

Another couple was having a similar issue with a twist. Mom was never going to be ok with dad being with his new girlfriend when their child was around because she felt that the new girlfriend was the cause of their marriage ending.

In making a determination as to when it is appropriate to introduce your children to a new partner, parents need to be sensitive to how the children are reacting to the marriage ending. Read the rest of Dan’s article to learn some key questions to consider when deciding how and when to introduce a new significant other to your children.

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