While the rate of divorce for the general population was relatively flat between 1990 and 2010, the divorce rate for couples age 50 and over doubled during that span. As a group, those over 50 accounted for about 25% of all divorces in 2010 according to a study by the National Center for Family & Marriage Research at Bowling Green State University in Ohio.
No ethical divorce mediator (or attorney) would ever push you to end your marriage or partnership without making sure that one or both of you are completely certain that you are no longer willing to stay in the relationship.
Many couples come to our consultation at different places about ending the relationship. If one person has decided to end the relationship, it is likely that they have been considering it for a while and have had time to come to terms with it. It can be very hard for the spouse who hasn’t made the same decision to psychologically process their spouse or partner’s decision in the amount of time they have before there is a move by their spouse/partner to initiate a separation or divorce.
While it would be wrong to give false hope to your spouse/partner if there is no hope that you will continue to stay in the relationship, if there is a willingness to explore that possibility, there can be many benefits to both of you. Read the rest of Barbara’s article to learn how counseling might help save the marriage or help each spouse/partner be better able to start over.
During the summer, I’m reminded of family vacations to the beach when our children were younger. Depending on where we traveled, we sometimes faced challenging conditions like red algae, or even jellyfish! Since we knew what we may encounter while swimming, we tried to swim away from danger.
In divorce mediation or collaborative divorce, we as professionals working with clients face similar challenges. I find that being aware of what may induce unwanted conflict can help us remain focused on progressing to the mutually acceptable outcome that we are all seeking to achieve.
Read the rest of David’s article to learn how being prepared along with avoiding personal argument triggers and the blame game will help couples reach agreements more effectively.
Divorce mediation and collaborative divorce are based in creating a safe place for important and life changing conversations. Just as we try to avoid danger when swimming, we try to maintain awareness of behaviors in these dispute resolution processes that may impede the desired outcome.
When those words are spoken by a client in mediation, I always get a little twinge of dread.
To the client, this makes perfect sense. Clients choose mediation to reduce cost, reduce turmoil and proceed as quickly as possible to a separation agreement. So, why not just give in so your matter can be resolved?
If it’s a relatively minor point that is in contention, then, sure, give in and move on if this is within your parameters for a an overall settlement. What causes me pause is when this is said, in exasperation, over a major point that needs further exploration and discussion before the client can fully say yea or nay.
Read the rest of Clare’s article to learn how to explore your options, make the best decisions possible and live with the short- and long-term consequences of your choices.
I had the pleasure of appearing twice on Dr. Duffy Spencer’s radio show, Just Relationships. Our conversation explored the world of divorce and family mediation. Dr. Spencer is a psychotherapist and social psychologist who speaks, trains and coaches individuals and groups to overcome inner obstacles for their highest success.
The first part of our discussion centered around the topics of:
– Personal conflict
– Marital separation and divorce
– The effects on the family as a whole
– The distinction between the mediation and the litigation process
Listen to Ada’s interview by following this link. Her hope is that the conversation allows you to filter out the clutter and noise, and helps you choose a path that preserves your sanity as well as the health and wellbeing of your entire family.
Once a new year starts, I see a lot of articles focusing on how to give yourself a fresh start financially, and have a generally fiscally responsible year. I recently saw an article in which a couple describes their own debt nightmare, and then goes into the details of how they paid off that debt.
At the outset of the story, the husband points out that before getting married, he and his wife never talked about money. He points out that it was in no way intentional to not discuss money and, as a couple, discussing the other person’s financial information was definitely not a priority.
I’ve written before about the importance of discussing finances with your future spouse before tying the knot. While there are a host of reasons I believe this is valuable, the story above is a very important one. Marriage is an economic partnership, and regardless of when you accrued your own debt, bringing it into the marriage means that you and your partner should be on the same page in terms of addressing the debt and paying it down. Read the rest of Deborah’s article to learn why and how to look at marriage as an economic partnership.