You’ve been walking around like a zombie with your heart blown out. You move about your days in a fog, wondering how your life spiraled out of control. The blow-out you feel comes from the news that you are getting divorced. In your despair you may stay at work later, avoiding the scene of your shattered hopes and dreams, filling the uncertain space that’s become your life. Disorientation and preoccupation with the future may define your state of mind if you’ve just announced your need to leave the marriage. In the moments when you feel you can connect, you are doing homework with your children, playing video games together, telling them to brush their teeth, putting them to bed, kissing them good-night. It may be in one such moment that your little one whispers softly, “I don’t want to get divorced, daddy”.
Too often in our culture, men find themselves at the periphery of the family when a couple decides to divorce. Sometimes this is by choice; sometimes it is by design. I have heard fathers tell me fervently that they want to remain actively involved in their children’s lives, that not only is this their right, but that they are capable parents who can stand on their own two feet if only the mother of their children would offer guidance and support. The threat of loss that is often viscerally experienced, as the dissolution of a marriage becomes reality, frequently spurs fathers who have hitherto been workaholics to suddenly become present, active participants in the daily rhythm of caretaking children.
Please read the rest of I Don’t Want To Get Divorced, Daddy at Dr. Bell’s blog